I have a lot of work ahead of me.
My friends and I have been bubbling with talk of a move to New York City. Not immediately or anything, but the prospect excites me greatly. I’ve always had this self-defeating attitude that I was not good enough for New York City, but I’m trying to shed my self-imposed limitations and level up, to borrow an RPG term. As the song goes, if you can make it New York you can make it anywhere, and I’d like to see if I’m made of that stuff. I think there could be a lot for me there.
But I still am feeling the old frustrations, the old struggles, the old weaknesses that peck away at my potential. There’s all these things I feel I could be truly great at, the things I feel I have inside me that I can’t get out — I could be a great piano player, I could be a great designer, I could be a great ________. What stops me?
And so, I’m on big self-improvement kick again.
ONE: I’m going back to school, and I’m really excited about it. I have a great schedule — just Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m taking Literature Based Research (again, because I’m lazy and a terribly non-prolific writer), Cultural Anthropology (awesome), and Music Theory I (4 credit hours, easy A.) I may yet be able to add a 1 credit Yoga.
TWO: Music has to be a bigger part of my life. I’m playing semi-seriously with a friend of mine, Elias, and we’ve had some killer songwriting collaborations. First time in a long time I’ve felt like I really had a great musical partnership that wasn’t a student-teacher thing.
THREE: Reading. I’ve been reading a great deal more lately. I ran into Malaprop’s I bought an awesome called Osman’s Dream, a start to finish history of the Ottoman Empire. But before I start that monster (660 pages!) I have to finish the Steven Pinker book that Laura bought me months ago, The Stuff of Thought by September 8 because the author will be at Malaprop’s that night. For as much of a nerd I am, I have never been to an author event at a bookstore, and I’m looking forward to it. I should develop a good question for him.
FOUR: I must write. I’m feeling flush with words and prose and have been re-reading some of my old material and I have to say I don’t know why I gave it up.
SUMMARY: Apollonian interests must triumph for this next phase in my life. The endless Bacchanals that have gripped my life and lifestyle must be brought into line with my larger goals. I’m on the verge of something, and I aim to vault myself over the edge.